Valentines Day Gifts For The Tree Huggers Out There

If you wanna try to disappoint and piss off your spouse or significant other on Valentines Day, here are some suggestions from Scotsman.com for the Tree huggin' global warming crowd and their loved ones on this Hallmark Holiday.

However, the only thing they'll most likely be accomplishing is collectively putting lots of green into the pockets of the new companies and individuals getting rich off of these global warming enthusiasts' purchases on V day and any other day as they perpetrate this scam worldwide.

Should you decide to bravely go this route, first of all hopefully you live to see the 15th or at the very least plan on spending some real quality time on the couch in your den with Fido after giving your loved one any of these gifts while helping to save the globe from the dastardly global warming deniers out there like myself.........

Saying 'I love you' with a heart full of affection and carbon offset: "

Scotsman.com News - UK - FOR those who want to show their devotion to their loved ones, but don't want it to cost the earth, there are environmentally sound alternatives to a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates:"

Are you ready for these gifts? Drumroll Please!!!!

• The Carbon Neutral Company is offering a Valentine Green Box which contains a selection of Green and Black's organic chocolate, a heart-shaped key fob made of recycled leather and a certificate for one month of carbon neutral driving, which informs the recipient that 325kg of carbon has been set aside... allowing 1,000 miles of guilt-free driving. Cost £12.50.

Set aside carbon for a rainy day to burn later on your way to Al Gore's huge Global Warming Concerts this summer?....Yeehaw! What a concept, save pollution to make pollution subsequently curbing pollution. I get it..not

If that's not making your loved one swoon and tingle all over, try this next gift on for size..The wife or girlfriend (or both for those real hip Clintonesque liberal couples out there) 'll love ya like anew after this next extravagant purchase in her/their name/s..

• Conservation charity Trees for Life is offering lovers the opportunity to pledge their love to buy a gift with a conscience. They can vow to have a specially dedicated Scots pine, or grove of pines, planted in the Caledonian Forest on behalf of a loved one. Trees can be bought online at www.treesforlife.org.uk/ilovepine/ and cost £15 for the first one, then £5 for each additional pine.

(the satirical pic is mine, not theirs)

There's nothing like purchasing your loved one/s a tree or two half way around the globe that may or may not have been planted in your name or theirs, who the hell knows for sure?. I would bet that something similar to the postcard I've mocked up above will be your only proof of this questionable purchase. Anyhow, that'll sure warm up any relationship on the rocks needing some spicing and freshening up!

This reminds me of the classic landmark Seinfeld Festivus episode originally called the strike where George Costanza makes up a fake charity and gives in their names called the Human fund in order to avoid giving his co workers real gifts to avoid spending any money. If you've never seen it , oh well it's pretty funny as is the Pine Tree Planting fund..



So here's the final roundup: Save the Globe by paying them as they become greener in their bank accounts as the very gullible but sometimes well-intentioned hope that their individual actions are saving the planet from impending doom. Sadly that will not be the case as the set aside carbon from your conservation will be expended by Hans or Vito who runs this tree company on the many trips they take to the local bank in their 2007 Mercedes or BMW laughing all the way there.

Certainly it can be argued that the multitude of collective added burden on our planet and environment coupled with the expenditure of resources as a result of a holiday like today and it's worldwide fulfillment is pretty significant, and if eliminated altogether would lessen the damage done to the world as a whole.

You won't find many men that would miss this holiday were it eliminated completely for any damn reason including global warming, just finding anyone besides me today that would admit it would be like finding someone at a Nascar race who admits they voted for John Kerry or Al Gore.

So with that in mind and in closing...

These alarmists are truly the snake oil salesmen of the new millenium and anyone falling for these carbon footprint global warming BS scams deserves whatever they get in life, that's for sure.

Disclaimer of sorts:I'm sorry if my preceding attempts at satire offended you or anyone aside from the Warming crowd as I do not mean to imply that if one cannot spend an exorbitant amount of money on a gift or gifts for their loved ones on V-day or any other holiday that it is therefore no good or meaningless.

A gift from any loved one is a gesture that needs to price tag attached to it and does not diminish it's significance based solely on expense, I just cannot resist the goofy global warming crowd and their carbon footprint mentality etc on days like this and to hurt anyones feelings outside of that intended target is not my aim. So here ya go....

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