Homeland Security Alert: Travel Ban List Extended

From the desk of:

Michael Chertoff
Homeland Security Director

RE: FAA Banning People From Flights

'Zero Tolerance for People,' Chertoff Says

In a move aimed at further tightening airport security, the Federal Aviation
Administration announced today that it would ban all people from flights
leaving or entering the United States, effective immediately.

The FAA, which has in the past banned such objects as toenail clippers and
hair gel, took the extraordinary step of banning people after the Department
of Homeland Security conducted a thorough investigation of previous terror
plots.

"We looked at terror plots of the past, and in each and every case, people
were involved," said Homeland Security Michael Chertoff at a Washington press
briefing. "These new rules send the strong message that the FAA has zero
tolerance for people."

Mr. Chertoff said that while banning liquids from flights was a constructive
step, the only true solution was to ban people altogether.

"Let's face it, hair gel doesn't kill people," he said. "People kill
people."

The Homeland Security Secretary acknowledged that the new rules would
curtail Americans' ability to travel, but added, "On the plus side, that will
makethem easier for us to spy on."

The FAA's ban on people onboard flights raised questions for the nation's
airlines, which must now ponder what, if anything, there airplanes will be
carrying.

But Davis Logsdon, who studies the airline industry at the University of
Minnesota, said that the FAA's crackdown on people could be a "win-win" for
theairlines: "Maybe if the airlines don't have people to worry about, they can
finally concentrate on getting our luggage to the right destination."

Elsewhere, al-Qaeda disavowed responsibility for a terror plot to make
Americans' laptops burst into flames, blaming it instead on Dell.

I thought this email was kinda funny, thought I would share it.

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